The situation
I made a serious error in a presentation to senior leadership and someone pointed it out in front of everyone. I went red and stumbled through the rest of it. I can’t stop replaying the moment and I’m dreading going back into the office.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationThe embarrassment is real, and it is a sign that you care about doing good work. But much of what is keeping you awake is not the error itself; it is a judgement about what the error means and what everyone now thinks of you. The Stoic move is to own the mistake fully, learn from it once, and then return to the work.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- Correcting the error and telling the right people what you have done about it
- What you learn from it and change for next time
- How you walk back into the office tomorrow
- Whether you keep replaying it or set it down
Not yours
- That it happened in front of others
- What the people in the room thought at the time
- How long anyone else remembers it
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsMarcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.9
Be not disgusted, nor discouraged, nor dissatisfied, if thou dost not succeed in doing everything according to right principles; but when thou hast failed, return back again, and be content if the greater part of what thou doest is consistent with man’s nature, and love this to which thou returnest; and do not return to philosophy as if she were a master, but act like those who have sore eyes and apply a bit of sponge and egg, or as another applies a plaster, or drenching with water. For thus thou wilt not fail to obey reason, and thou wilt repose in it. …
Seneca, On Anger 3.36
… I make use of this privilege, and daily plead my cause before myself: when the lamp is taken out of my sight, and my wife, who knows my habit, has ceased to talk, I pass the whole day in review before myself, and repeat all that I have said and done: I conceal nothing from myself, and omit nothing: for why should I be afraid of any of my shortcomings, when it is in my power to say, “I pardon you this time: see that you never do that anymore? In that dispute you spoke too contentiously: do not for the future argue with ignorant people: those who have never been taught are unwilling to learn. …
Epictetus, Enchiridion 13
If you would improve, submit to be considered without sense and foolish with respect to externals. Wish to be considered to know nothing: and if you shall seem to some to be a person of importance, distrust yourself. For you should know that it is not easy both to keep your will in a condition conformable to nature and (to secure) external things: but if a man is careful about the one, it is an absolute necessity that he will neglect the other.
What this means here
AI interpretationMarcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.9
In this passage Marcus is correcting himself for falling short of his own principles rather than for a slip in a meeting, but the attitude carries over well. He does not demand that he never fail. He asks only that, having failed, he come back and keep going, and be content if most of what he does is sound. One bad presentation does not cancel the rest of your work.
Translation note: Thou dost, thou hast and thou doest are the old forms of you do and you have. Right principles means the standards you hold yourself to.
Seneca, On Anger 3.36
Seneca describes his nightly habit of going over the day, including his own public missteps: arguing too contentiously, rebuking someone too freely. What stands out is the tone. He examines each error honestly, notes what to do differently, then pardons himself and moves on. That is the opposite of replaying a mistake on a loop; it is reviewing it once, properly, and closing the file.
Epictetus, Enchiridion 13
Epictetus is talking about the price of putting your own progress ahead of appearances: you have to be willing to look foolish in other people’s eyes. Your standing in that room is one of the externals he means. Guarding your image at all costs makes it harder to own the error and learn from it; what you do next matters more than how you looked for those few minutes.
Translation note: Externals are things outside your own mind and choices, such as reputation, possessions and other people’s opinions.
The passages give you a sequence. Accept, with Epictetus, that how you looked in that room matters less than what you do next. Review the mistake honestly, once, and decide what you will do differently, as Seneca does each evening. Then return to the work and judge yourself, as Marcus does, by the greater part of what you do rather than one bad afternoon. The replaying stops being useful the moment the lesson has been drawn.
One action for today
AI interpretationEvening review
Tonight, do Seneca’s review on paper: what went wrong, what you will do differently next time, and one sentence pardoning yourself for it. Tomorrow, if the error affects anyone else’s work, send a brief note acknowledging it and setting out the correction, then move straight on to your next task.
A line to carry
“For thus thou wilt not fail to obey reason, and thou wilt repose in it.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 5.9