The situation
Nothing is actually wrong in my life, but I lie awake running through everything that could go wrong: redundancies at work, my parents’ health, the mortgage rate going up. By the morning I’m exhausted from bracing for disasters that haven’t happened, and I can’t enjoy the good things in front of me.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationYour mind is trying to keep you safe by rehearsing every danger, and it is wearing you out. The Stoic move is to notice that every what-if concerns something outside your control, in a future that hasn’t arrived, while the only moment you ever have to deal with is this one, and it is usually bearable.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- Where you put your attention tonight
- Sensible preparations, such as savings or a conversation with your parents
- Enjoying what is good in your life now
- Asking for help if the worry starts to take over
Not yours
- Decisions about redundancies at work
- Your parents’ health
- Interest rates
- Whether any of these things happens at all
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsMarcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.36
Do not disturb thyself by thinking of the whole of thy life. Let not thy thoughts at once embrace all the various troubles which thou mayest expect to befall thee: but on every occasion ask thyself, What is there in this which is intolerable and past bearing? For thou wilt be ashamed to confess. In the next place remember that neither the future nor the past pains thee, but only the present. But this is reduced to a very little, if thou only circumscribest it, and chidest thy mind, if it is unable to hold out against even this.
Epictetus, Discourses 4.10 ¶1
The difficulties of all men are about external things; their helplessness is about externals. What shall I do, how will it be, how will it turn out, will this happen, will that? All these are the words of those who are turning themselves to things which are not within the power of the will. For who says, “How shall I not assent to that which is false? how shall I not turn away from the truth?” If a man be of such a good disposition as to be anxious about these things, I will remind him of this: Why are you anxious? The thing is in your own power: be assured; do not be precipitate in assenting before you apply the natural rule. …
Seneca, On the Shortness of Life 9 ¶1–2
… You dispose of that which is in the hand of Fortune, and you let go that which is in your own. Whither are you looking, whither are you stretching forward? everything future is uncertain: live now straightaway. See how the greatest of bards cries to you and sings in wholesome verse as though inspired with celestial fire:— “The best of wretched mortals’ days is that Which is the first to fly.”
What this means here
AI interpretationMarcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.36
Marcus warns himself against something anyone who lies awake will recognise: the mind gathering up every possible trouble and trying to hold them all at once. His remedy is to take one moment at a time and ask what in it is actually unbearable, an honest question that rarely has a frightening answer. Neither the future nor the past can hurt you, only the present, and the present, kept to its real size, is small.
Translation note: Circumscribest means draw a boundary around, and chidest means scold: keep the present to its real size, and tell your mind off if it complains about even that.
Epictetus, Discourses 4.10 ¶1
Epictetus lists the questions of an anxious mind almost exactly as they run at night, and then makes a simple observation: every one of them is about something outside your power. That is why they never resolve. You cannot settle how things will turn out, because the answer does not depend on you. What does depend on you is your own judgement and your own choices, and those are where your attention can do some good.
Translation note: The will here means your own power of choice: your judgements, intentions and responses.
Seneca, On the Shortness of Life 9 ¶1–2
Seneca is writing about people who keep postponing their lives until some imagined future, but his diagnosis fits worry just as well. Both spend today arranging a tomorrow that belongs to chance, and in the process let go of the one thing actually in hand, which is the present day. Since everything in the future is uncertain, his conclusion is to live now, rather than once the uncertainty has gone, because it never will.
Translation note: Fortune means chance: everything that happens outside your control. Whither means where.
Each passage comes back to the same place. Worry feels like responsible preparation, but most of it is spent on things you cannot influence, at hours when you cannot act. Take the useful part, the few preparations that are genuinely up to you, and do them in daylight. The rest belongs to chance, and the present moment, taken on its own, is almost always something you can bear.
One action for today
AI interpretationSort what's yours from what isn't · the dichotomy of control
Before bed tonight, write each worry down and sort it into two columns: what is up to you, and what is not. For each item in the first column, write one practical step and when you will take it; leave the second column on the page. If a worry returns in the night, ask yourself what in this moment, right now, is actually unbearable. If anxiety has been stopping you sleeping or functioning for weeks, talk to your GP; that is a sensible use of what is in your control.
A line to carry
“Let not thy thoughts at once embrace all the various troubles which thou mayest expect to befall thee …”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.36