The situation
Since my last pay rise we keep upgrading: a bigger flat, a newer car, nicer holidays, and now I’m eyeing an expensive watch. None of it has made me noticeably happier, and the monthly payments make me anxious. Part of me wants to sell half of what we own and live simply; part of me thinks I’ve earned nice things and simplicity is just another trend.
Your situation, reframed
AI interpretationIt is unsettling to get what you thought you wanted and find it changes so little, and it makes sense that you feel pulled both ways. In Stoic terms, the question is not whether you own nice things but whether they own you: whether each upgrade adds a new need, a new worry and a new payment, and whether your contentment now depends on keeping them.
The dichotomy of control
AI interpretationYours to act on
- What you buy next, and why
- Whether you value things for their use or for how they look
- How much of your income you commit to monthly payments
- Practising being content with less
Not yours
- Prices, interest rates and the cost of living
- What friends and neighbours own
- Whether your income keeps rising
- Fashions in what counts as nice
The Stoics said
Verbatim from the source · full citationsSeneca, On a Happy Life 21
… If the amounts be compared, he had outstripped his great-grandfather further than he himself was outdone by Crassus, and if still greater riches had fallen to his lot, he would not have spurned them: for the wise man does not think himself unworthy of any chance presents: he does not love riches, but he prefers to have them; he does not receive them into his spirit, but only into his house: nor does he cast away from him what he already possesses, but keeps them, and is willing that his virtue should receive a larger subject-matter for its exercise.
Epictetus, Discourses 3.9 ¶2
… In answer to this it is perhaps sufficient to say: I have no need of such things; but if you possess many things, you have need of others; whether you choose or not, you are poorer than I am. “What then have I need of?” Of that which you have not: of firmness, of a mind which is conformable to nature, of being free from perturbation. Whether I have a patron or not, what is that to me? but it is something to you. I am richer than you: I am not anxious what Caesar will think of me. For this reason, I flatter no man. This is what I possess instead of vessels of silver and gold. …
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.67
Nature has not so mingled the intelligence with the composition of the body, as not to have allowed thee the power of circumscribing thyself and of bringing under subjection to thyself all that is thy own; for it is very possible to be a divine man and to be recognised as such by no one. Always bear this in mind; and another thing too, that very little indeed is necessary for living a happy life. And because thou hast despaired of becoming a dialectician and skilled in the knowledge of nature, do not for this reason renounce the hope of being both free and modest and social and obedient to God.
What this means here
AI interpretationSeneca, On a Happy Life 21
Seneca answers a critic who calls it hypocrisy to praise a simple life while living as a rich man. His reply is that wealth should be held without fear and trembling: you can prefer to have it without loving it, and let it into your house without letting it into your spirit. That takes the guilt out of your question. Nice things are not the problem; needing them is.
Translation note: Spirit here means your inner life, your mind and character. Despised means treated as unimportant, not hated.
Epictetus, Discourses 3.9 ¶2
Epictetus answers a visitor who worries that philosophy would leave him without land, silver cups or fine animals. Owning more, he points out, tends to create more needs, and a desire that keeps growing is never satisfied. He ends with the image of children who grab so many figs and nuts from a narrow-necked jar that they cannot pull their hand out: drop a few and you get what you want. Each upgrade you describe has come with a payment and a worry attached, which is the full fist in the jar.
Translation note: Perturbation means inner disturbance. Earthen ware means cheap clay pots: the contrast is between costly possessions and a cheaply furnished mind.
Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.67
Marcus reminds himself of two things: that a person can be good without anyone recognising it, and that very little is needed for a happy life. Your own experience points the same way, since the upgrades have not made you noticeably happier. That does not mean selling everything. It means the bar for what you need is far lower than advertising suggests, and anything above it is a choice rather than a requirement.
Translation note: Circumscribing thyself means setting your own limits. Modest here means unpretentious.
Between them, the passages offer a middle path rather than a choice between luxury and renunciation. Marcus sets the baseline: very little is needed. Epictetus shows how possessions multiply needs and worries. Seneca shows that you can keep and enjoy good things, provided they stay in your house and out of your spirit. The test for each purchase, then, is not whether you have earned it but whether you could lose it without losing your peace.
One action for today
AI interpretationPractise voluntary discomfort
Before you buy the watch or take on any new payment, wait thirty days. In that time, choose one deliberate week of going without, such as cooking every meal at home, buying nothing new and spending the weekend on something free, to find out how much of your contentment actually depends on the upgrades. Then sit down with your partner, list every monthly commitment, and ask of each whether you value it for its use or for how it looks; if the payments themselves feel unmanageable, talk to a free, independent money adviser.
A line to carry
“Always bear this in mind; and another thing too, that very little indeed is necessary for living a happy life.”
— Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 7.67